Hitched

The researcher in me wanted to do a study on married women I know-- some who have been married for ten+ years, some who've only been married 6 months. I wanted to get a realistic view of marriage and not base the ideas in my head on the media.

I asked 5 questions that I felt would best help me get a better understanding of marriage and would prepare my heart. Here are the questions along with my findings:

- What is the best thing about being married?
Every woman who responded said something along the lines of companionship. To them, the best part of being married is always having your best friend alongside of you, helping make decisions, care for children-- someone who would always be that support system you needed, helping you carry burdens. In Genesis 2, God gives Adam a helper, an "ezer kenegdo" as it is known in Hebrew. The best translation (according to Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge) is "sustainer beside him". This is fascinating to see how marriage according to the women I know has fallen into the essence of God's creation.

- What is the hardest thing about being married?
Most of the women responded that making time for each other, sharing space, and working together to make decisions were the hardest parts. In other words, compromise is the most difficult. So often we think that when we get married, we'll be more able to give in to little things because we just love our spouses so much. As I have found, this is absolutely not the case. In many ways, I think it is even harder to compromise in marriage than in dating because you do know each other so well. You want to put your foot down, so to speak, and hold that sense of righteousness in the household. One woman advised me that even when we want to hold onto that entitlement, we must let go and react in love, not in bitterness. I will hold this truth in my heart during married life!

- Do you have a Bible verse or favorite quote that encourages you in married life?
1 Corinthians 13 was mentioned, but the most often encouragement was to thank God daily for your spouse. Thank Him not for creating a perfect person, but for creating the perfect person for you.

- What do you wish you knew about marriage before getting married?
There were so many different responses to this one! The one that stuck out the most was this: "I would say that the one thing I wish I knew before I got married was MYSELF. I wish I had known myself more although my partner has patiently and loyally watched me grow. For any young woman, especially, it is so important to know and be secure with yourself before getting married." I love this! And this is exactly what I'm trying to do now before I head down the path towards marriage-- know myself better.

- What books or resources about marriage would you recommend?
Surprisingly no books or resources were recommended. However, additional advice was given. I was advised to fully discuss all goals and expectations before deciding to get married. Knowing details about where you want to live, how many kids you want to have, and other things is so helpful when you actually become married. The hard stuff is talked about and agreed upon ahead of time. In addition, I was advised to continue asking those I love and admire about their relationships. I should also understand that each day is a new day, and that I must dole out mercy and grace just as willingly as God does. This will take us very far in married life!

I hope this has helped you in some way to get a better grasp on marriage. Thank you to the beautiful ladies who shared so much and helped me grow in my understanding of this wonderful adventure!