Get your tums ready 'cause these are spicy words.

I'm about to get real, ya'll.

This whole concept of "talking" in our generation is dumb. Yes, it is pure stupidity. And here's why.

You're either committed to a person or you aren't. If you aren't ready to be committed, it's a friendship, and you must treat it that way. We have a mission to protect the hearts of our brothers and sisters, and you can't do that by acting like you're in a relationship with him or her but never defining it as so.

I am a firm believer in Josh Harris's 5 steps of relationships in his book I Kissed Dating Goodbye.

1. Casual friendship-- hanging out in groups of friends, chatting on Facebook, texting, etc.
2. Deep friendship-- talking on the phone, hanging out one-on-one in non-romantic settings
3. Courtship/dating-- committed to pursuing a girl or committed to letting a guy pursue you, deciding if this is God's will for you
4. Engagement-- committed to the idea of being committed in marriage
5. Marriage-- committed to spending the rest of your life with this person, being one spiritually and physically

Steps 1 and 2 are non-commital. You are just spending time getting to know this person-- as a brother or sister in Christ. Well-defined boundaries must exist, including emotional, spiritual, and physical boundaries.

I'll admit, I've done my fair share of "talking"-- treating someone as a boyfriend but not defining it as so. But my objective is to turn this game around for myself, and for you.

So here's what you do. Men: pursue a friendship with a woman. Wait patiently and pray continuously about this woman and see if you are really interested in her out of love or out of lust. When you jump into a relationship (and this goes for women too) without knowing the person really well, you are acting out of lust, not out of wanting to truly get to know him or her. Women: participate in a friendship with a man. But wait patiently until he pursues you. It is not your role to chase after a man. If he wants to be with you, he will make it happen! You don't need a boyfriend at all times. This is a lie the enemy is telling you to keep you from learning the skills of patience, trust, and purity. And just because a guy is interested in you doesn't mean you should let him pursue you! You also play a role in praying if this is the right man for you. But be honest with him at the first feeling of uncertainty. The last thing you want to do is lead a guy on into thinking you really want to be with him. Men have hearts just like we do, and we can't play with them.

Okay, I'm done venting. Please don't be afraid to tell me your opinion on this subject! I know not everyone feels the way I do about relationships.